I’d love some advice. I gather from some of your tweets that you might have some personal insight into this, so here goes:
I’m in a poly relationship with a close friend who is married. All is cool. We’re happy, and I date other people and it’s fun and supportive and great. Friendship gets better all the time, and so does the sex.
I’m also romantically very attached to an old old friend from way back who is recently coming back into my life. She lives on the other coast, but we’re talking about getting together in the next few months and sex is definitely on the agenda. Whether we can make a long term thing of it will depend on a lot of factors, too many to go into, but I’m still interested.
The problem is that in the past year she was diagnosed with HSV2. Asymptomatic. Neither I nor any of my other partners have it. I’ve done a pile of research and I think I understand what my risks are. I also think I’m willing to take those chances (they seem slight enough) at least for the time being. We probably won’t spend more than a week together this year anyway. The transmission rate appears to be like 4% per year for hetero males who are with HSV positive females. Condoms reduce this by half, so 2%. Valcyclovir ["Valtrex"] would reduce it by another 50% so that would be 1%. Per year. And we’re not going to be together for a whole year.
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Archive for the 'advice' Category
A longtime reader, Connor, recently sent me a question that I thought the rest of you may find interesting. Not having a lot of personal experience with this issue, I could only give my gut feeling as advice. Luckily, though, I have a few friends in the sex industry that could offer more qualified advice. I’m sure Connor would love to have advice from any of you, as well, whether you have experience in this industry or just a hunch you’d like to share.
Hey, Misty. I’d like your thoughts on something. I’ve thought about seeing an escort, as I’ve been going through some frustrations with the opposite sex. I’d be interested in voyeuristic stuff like more explicit strip shows, erotic massages with happy endings, or even seeing her have sex with a guy (kind of like when I heard you and Fingers). My thing is, I won’t be able to have sex with her. I’m a blood donor, and the blood center has a rule that you can’t donate for a while if you pay for sex, regardless of if a condom was used; and “sex” also includes oral and anal. (Strict rule, but that’s the name of the game.) I’m worried that if the escort asks why I don’t want to have sex with her, and I give this answer, I’ll come across as insensitive or insulting. What do you think? I do want to have some sort of activity with a woman, but donating blood is important to me, too. Should I instead settle for a stripper service, like the girls that perform for bachelor parties, and leave the more intimate activities for another day, whenever that will be?
The Sound From My Knees #35
Download the show to your computer or MP3 player
Running Time: 56 minutes
- I discuss the results of my Do You Swallow poll.
- Next I go into a long discussion of my advice to a reader on giving hand jobs, including my suggestion that girls start carrying individual lube packets or small bottles of lube when going on dates for a little hand job help..
- I read through Babeland’s article How To Spice Up Your Sex Life and discuss sex board games. Have you played any good sex board games?
As always, if you have any questions, comments, or reviews while we’re not on the air you can call the voicemail line at 206-350-6955. And join us in the chat room every Sunday night at 8pm Seattle/Pacifictime so you can call in and be a part of the fun!
I feel kind of awkward when I give my man a hand job. How can I improve my technique?
First of all, good for you for seeing hand jobs as more than just something teenagers do in the backs of steamed-up cars. The hand job is often overlooked, and it’s a damn shame. When done right, it can be a fantastic addition to foreplay, and it can even be the main event for a nice change.
The most important aspect of the hand job is lubrication. Unlike women(1), most men(2) don’t produce enough lubrication of their own to facilitate a good hand job, but a dry hand job isn’t pleasurable to give or receive. Before you start, squirt a bit of lube into your hands, and hold it in your palm for a moment to warm it up. If you don’t have any actual lube handy and you’re not planning on having intercourse, you can use some household items as lube. I’ve had good experience with baby oil in the past. Just remember that oils and creams not meant for sex can cause vaginal infections, so if you’re planning on moving on to more contact you’ll just want to stick to good old-fashioned spit.
In my opinion, when giving a good handjob you should start by teasing his inner thighs and gently cupping and massaging his balls rather than going straight for the cock. However, Lucky maintains that some initial cock contact can be good in one of two ways: 1) guys don’t always want to be teased – though there’s also a time and a place for that – so you might just want to start further in, or 2) it’s like a video game where they start you with all of your powers to give you an idea of where you’re going, but then they strip them all away and you have to work back up to the full deal. Whether your start there or do some teasing first, you should begin your work on his cock with nice slow strokes up and down the shaft with one hand, as if it’s a tongue licking straight up one side, over the head, and then down the other side. Watch out for the absolute tip of the penis; if you hit the opening to the urethra in the wrong way, well, that’s bad. Then gently grip the shaft at the bottom with one hand and use the other to do some very slow strokes up and down. You want to start slow to build it up, don’t skip straight to the fast pumping. I think that the important part of this is that it’s a progression of both coverage and friction; there’s room for variation in the details of teasing technique as long as you’re working from a minimum to some plateau in each of those aspects.
As you work his shaft and head try out some different techniques to give him a wide range of different sensations and solicit feedback from him. “Do you like that, baby?” “How does that feel on your big, hard cock?” A few techniques to try:
- Extend your fingers so that both of your hands are flat and put one on each side of his penis, then rub them up and down his cock.
- Position one or both hands lengthwise on his cock and do long slow strokes up and down. When you get to the base of his penis run over a little bit and stroke his balls on your way back up. When you get to the tip of his penis rub the heel of your hand(s) around the top.
- Instead of wrapping your entire hand around his cock, try just using your thumb and index finger.
- Alternate with short strokes at the base of his cock with short strokes around the head.
- Use both hands to twist in opposite directions as you move up and down his cock. BE SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF LUBE!
- Occasionally run you palm over the top of the head. But don’t do this a lot at once because it can overstimulate the very sensitive corona (think of this as the equivalent to a woman’s clit).
Ultimately, I think it’s important to remember that, regardless of which techniques you’re using, they are at their best in an experience that’s a fluid, integrated whole. Don’t spend too much time thinking about particular techniques as if they’re individual phases with precise steps. This is cooking, not baking.
Don’t get too focused on the cock
Whenever you’re using just one hand on his cock, use the other to explore other parts of his body. Gently tweak his nipples, cup his balls, and even grip his ass. Try gently pressing on the perineum, as this can be a pleasurable pressure point on many men. If he’s game for exploration, you could even gently run a well-lubed fingertip around the opening to his anus while you work his cock with your other hand. If he seems to really be enjoying the sensation, suggest that you take it a little further. “You like my finger around your ass, don’t you baby? You want me to slip it in, you naughty boy?”
Play with toys
Sex toys are not just for girls. You can introduce a simple bullet vibe for some extra sensations. Start by running it around his balls and inner thighs (beware of the vibrator knocking the balls around too much; you’ll want something with a tight vibration for that area), then move to the shaft and gently slide it up and down each side. Run it around the head a few times and then back down and around his balls. Some guys like the way the vibrations feel when held gently around the perineum or when used to tease his anus. Fukuoku’s vibe is great for this because it slips onto your finger and you don’t have to worry about holding on with a lubed-up hand. Masturbation sleeves can also be a fun addition to a hand job. Just slide a well-lubed sleeve around his hard cock and go to town.
When you’re ready for the grand finale, pick a technique and stick with it. Too much changing around can interrupt his buildup and make it difficult for him to come. My tried-and-true method to get him off is to hold the base of his cock with one hand and wrap the other around his shaft. Then, twist your hand up and down his entire cock. Start off at a gentle pace, and then slowly increase your speed until you’re at a nice fast pace. Be careful not to grip too tightly! Many guys hate the death grip, and those that love it will usually tell you to grip his cock more tightly. Look him in the eyes (you should be doing this a lot throughout the act, anyway) and tell him him much you love his cock, how big it is, and how much you want him to come for you. He’s sure to blow his load in no time.
I hope these tips help you feel more confident about handling your man’s junk. I also suggest asking him to masturbate for you so you can watch how he handles his own penis. It’s hot AND informative! You can also get some ideas for various techniques at handjobadvice.com. And maybe some of my readers will share their tips and tricks in the comments below.
I have a question about threesomes. I may be lucky enough to be involved in one soon for the first time and I’m a little unsure about what to do when I’m ready to come. How do I choose which girl to come with? Will one girl get her feelings hurt if I come with the other girl? I assume you’ve been in a few threesomes here and there. How did you guys figure that part out?
My first piece of advice, Jocko, is to stop worrying about it so much. If you get yourself too psyched up about this big event your nerves may get the best of you and deciding where to leave your load will be a moot point, if you catch my drift. With sexual situations it’s usually best to just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. But if it’ll help put some of your fears to rest, I’ll do my best to answer your question.
Part of what may determine which girl gets your creamy gift is your relationship to them. If you’re in a relationship with one of the girls then the two of you should have a talk before the event to go over any rules, fears, or guidelines about how things should go. Use this opportunity to ask if she has a preference for what happens when you’re ready to come. She may not care at all, in which case you can just do what comes naturally when the time is right. But if she has any feelings about it you should be sensitive to her wishes. Even if you fear the other girl might get her feelings hurt, you owe it to your partner to put her feelings first. Honestly, though, it’s hard to imagine the other woman would really care.
If you don’t have a relationship with either girl then I wouldn’t worry too much about which one you choose. However, if you notice during the threesome that one of the girls seems to be more into you than the other I’d suggest letting her be the lucky recipient of your load (figuratively speaking – you WILL be using condoms, I assume). There’s also a tactic that would prevent you from having to choose at all. When you feel you’re close to reaching climax, ask the girls to both suck your cock at the same time. Don’t surprise them, though, make sure they know what’s coming. Saying something like “you are both so sexy, I want to look at both of your beautiful faces while I come,” could really make the moment hot for all of you.
I hope these tips help. Maybe some of my readers have some other tips and experiences they can share in the comments field. Good luck!