The View From My Knees

Hi how are you what is new? Do anything fun or interesting lately? My fiance and I in an open relationship and looking for a girl to hang out with me while my girl is with her boytoy. I too like computers, it seems we have alot in common. I hope to talk to you soon, Cameron

For starters, Cameron could have paid a little more attention to his grammar for this message. That first sentence could have used at least one comma and probably another period. And, for the love of God, people! Please put a space between “a” and “lot.” Alot is NOT a word.

Okay, now that I’ve let my inner Grammar Nazi out for a moment, let’s look at the meat of this message. Guys, please stop opening messages with the tired old “How are you” line? I’m fine. And if I’m not fine, I’m not going to tell a stranger all about my problems. And if I do, you should run. Far. The same goes for the “what’s new” line. You haven’t met me yet, so everything is new.

Cameron’s next line is honest, but not recommended. It’s good that he explains that he and his girl are in an open relationship, but telling me that he is just looking for someone to keep him company while his partner is with her “boytoy” shows less interest in me as a person than as a distraction. And, while I do appreciate the indication that he actually read a little bit of my profile and found a common interest, it just falls flat after the previous sentence. As someone in an open relationship, I completely understand the desire to have a balance in the relationships. However, Cameron’s statement brings to mind visions of him pining away for his girlfriend while we’re discussing our one common interest, computers, over coffee.

Hi my names Bryn im 28 and I just moved to _____. Prior to living here I live in _____ for 5 years then spent the past 4 years working out of the country. I have never been married and no kids, unless you count my dog deepak. I like to spend my free time boating, traveling, and taking my dog to the park. Here is my picture. Would you ever be interested in chatting sometime, or meeting for coffee?

Since Bryn didn’t mention my ad or profile at all I suspect he wrote up the same message to send to every girl he responded to. I have no idea, based on this message, what he likes about me and why we would be a good match. His description of himself is pretty generic and has very little personality sprinkled in with the basic stats.

Hi, my name is Zephan . I was looking at your ad on Craigslist and thought I would send you a message. I like your profile and decided to write to you.

I’m a single who is fun that enjoys movies, music and a whole lot more. I moved up here to the Seattle area from Las Vegas after living there most of my life.It would be fun to meet you and see if we have things in common. The nice weather is coming and would like to go out and do some fun things.

I will leave it up to you to tell me a bit more about yourself and maybe we can take the step and talk on the phone and meet for coffee or a drink, write back and we can exchange pictures, have a good day, Zephan

Poor Stephan doesn’t appear to know the difference between an ad and a profile, and therefore has claimed to have seen both. Or did he create this message for one medium and end up using it on another without removing the telltale references? Either way, this is sloppy and an immediate turnoff.

The body of his email would have been okay if he’d paid closer attention to basic grammar. His ending, however, needs a lot of work. As a woman who has posted a personal ad or profile I have already done my part. Saying he will leave it up to me to tell him more about myself puts the burden back onto me, completely removing him from the conversation. Does he want another several paragraphs of me rambling about things he may or may not care about? Why doesn’t he ask specific questions to prompt a meaningful exchange of interests? There is no conversation killer like the old “tell me about yourself” line, whether it’s in an email or on a date. While it’s true that you may not know to ask your date about the time she and her girlfriend crashed an Elvis wedding in Vegas, it’s sure to come up while you’re discussing favorite vacation spots or stories of drunken antics.

No, I’m not trying to make this segment fancier by putting pretty lighthouse backgrounds under messages from potential suitors. This is the stationary that Gerald used when responding to my personal ad. Let me take this opportunity to make a public service announcement to ease the pain of those of us that have been using email for more than 6 months:

Stop using email stationary. It’s annoying.

With all the places you have on the internet to express your creativity (Facebook, MySpace, etc.) there is no need for you to use your Microsoft Outlook templates and stationary to vomit rainbows, flowers, and lighthouses all over my email Inbox. How about a nice, plain email with complete sentences, proper grammar, and correct spelling? And while you’re at it, Gerald, let’s throw in some punctuation.

The more you know…

[Subject line]

JUST ME . LAW STUDENT AND BARTENDER. ###-###-####PLEASE SEND PICS OF YOURSELF.

I can’t quote you what this guy wrote in his email because he didn’t write anything. What I saw when I opened this message was several sidebars indicating that the blank message had been forward as many as 20 times and three attached photos. When I looked at the photos I immediately realized this guy had sent me exactly the same message about 6 months earlier when I posted a different personal ad. Do I even need to say what’s wrong with this? No, I think I’ll see what you guys have learned by letting you tell me.