Cheap
March 20th, 2006
This post is dedicated to a person in my life that will never read it, because I am a coward and can’t bring myself to say these things to you in person.
You confessed to me and I held your secret close. You told me the things you claimed you could never tell anyone else. You listened to my advice and welcomed a friendly non-judgmental ear to listen. You told me how you felt and, although flattered, I didn’t return your sentiment. You flirted, and I remained friendly but didn’t flirt back. You got up your nerve and suggested we take it to the next level, and I politely declined. Your feelings were hurt, your ego bruised. Even though I had never given you any reason to believe I was interested, you had assumed I would accept your offer. You were confused by my refusal. You seemed to think that I would give myself to anyone that asked, simply because I am sexually liberated. You made me feel cheap and dirty. You took the word I embraced so proudly and you made me ashamed of it. SLUT. You didn’t say it, but it is how you see me. You see me not as a person, but as an unwitting – unwilling – vessel for your desires.
I won’t allow you to use me that way. I reserve the right to say no. I say “no” more than you think. I don’t want people like you in my life. I deserve respect. I have worked hard to surround myself with people that give me that respect. I am not simply a vessel. I am a person, I am loved. I will not be ashamed of who I choose to be. I am not the one that is cheap.
March 20th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
I’ve been that guy. I didn’t unleash with the same level of anger that your suitor did, but I can understand his pain.
The woman and I in my situation eventually made up, we never got together but we did reclaim our friendship. It took almost 10 years. If you really like the guy as a friend, you have to talk to him and tell him how you feel or you could lose 10 years or more, like I did.
March 20th, 2006 at 9:52 pm
I appreciate your honesty in being able to admit that you have made this mistake.
If I cared about his friendship, I would probably eventually work up the nerve to tell him how he made me feel. But, and I know this may sound harsh, I didn’t care that much to begin with. I could tell he needed someone to listen, and I gave him that. I sometimes forget that not everyone understands the concept of boundaries or being “just friends.” I have continued to be his friend, because I know he still needs one. He is surrounded by people even more closed-minded than he is. However, I have distanced myself considerably, and I doubt that gap will ever close again.
March 21st, 2006 at 7:21 am
Bravo! I have never actually posted a comment (I guess I’m a lurker by nature) but you have captured beautifully what I love and respect about strong, sexually liberated women.
January 19th, 2007 at 5:27 pm
You are God’s free creation, precious in his sight. So am I. So is he, the man who intimidated you. I understand your cowardice only too well. But better that perhaps than the headstrongcauser of troubles. The world is full of those and needs more sensitive people like you … and, dare I say it, me.