Month of Yes `07 – Week 2: Two Outta Three Ain’t Bad
July 24th, 2007(safe for work version)
Week 2 of this year’s Month of Yes marked the end of the personal ad/initial contact phase. It was time to start making dates. Knowing there was no way I could squeeze all of the respondents into one month, I wanted to start squeezing them into my schedule as soon as possible. Rather than waiting for them to make the move, a mistake which left me dateless last year, I began suggesting dates and activities. Maybe I got ambitious, maybe I went a little nuts, or perhaps it was both. By Thursday, I had a date scheduled for every night for the rest of the month, and I’d even squeezed in a few lunch dates. Here’s a brief look at my first three dates:
C. – The Burlesque Show
C.’s first email to me was very personal and well-written. Just his grammar and spelling were enough to set him apart from most of the other respondents. He mentioned things I’d said in my ad, and he told me about himself without resorting to using the dreaded list method (“I’m like this, this, this, and that. I like that, that, that, and this.”). It certainly sounded like we had a lot in common, but there was one thing I wasn’t getting from his emails: personality. In all of our correspondence, I just hadn’t picked up on any…how should I put this…spark. If his picture had been more impressive, I may have been at least a little more excited to meet him. Had it not been the Month of Yes, I probably wouldn’t have gone out with him.
I invited C. to a burlesque show on Thursday night. We met at a coffee shop near the venue so we could chat in a quiet setting before moving on to the noisy bar. Upon seeing him, I was, to be brutally honest, more than a little disappointed. Any hope of attraction that his blurry and far-away picture had left was immediately shot down. Still, I knew he was a nice guy, and we had a fun show to go see. We grabbed a couple of coffees and walked down to the burlesque venue, chatting along the way. As we talked, I couldn’t help but notice that my initial perception of his personality was not far off base. I had hoped to at least have some good conversation, but I found myself doing most of the work. While he seemed to agree with me on most subjects, he rarely had anything interesting to add.
I really enjoyed the show, although I suspected it was a little “alt” for his taste. Between sets, however, it was a struggle to keep up the energy. At the end of the night, he walked me back to my car, and I gave him a friendly, but clearly platonic, hug goodbye. The next day he sent me an email, telling me what a nice time he’d had and how much he’d enjoyed meeting me. In my reply, I told him that I thought he was a really nice guy, but that I hadn’t felt any chemistry. I wished him luck on future dates, and said goodbye.
Was there anything he could have done differently? Honestly, I don’t think C. did anything wrong. His intitial email, and continuing correspondence, had all the right mechanical elements. He was very nice, and he did his best to enjoy a show that may not have been his style. I think this one just boiled down to personality. I suppose I could say that he should have attempted to be a little more spunky or tried harder to be interesting, but if that’s not him then I wouldn’t want him to try to be something else. He deserves to be liked for being who he is, not for being some idea of what a particular girl wants. I’m sure someday soon he’ll meet a girl that suits him a little better than I did.
Buddy – Dinner and an Afterparty
The subject line, typed in all capital letters, of Buddy’s first message to me made me cringe, but I was relieved to see that the body contained proper capitalization. Much like C., Buddy started by telling me what he liked about me based on my ad. He then told me a little bit about himself without using lists. But, unlike C., Buddy’s personality – his “spark” – came through immediately. His photos looked promising, as well. One close-up shot showed his good looks, while a second group shot with his friends showed more of his fun personality. I definitely would have gone out with him, even without the Month of Yes.
When I arrived at the restaurant, I was pleased to see he was just as cute as his photo suggested. Throughout our meal, we chatted and laughed together. We had a lot in common, it turned out, and the chemistry was undeniable. We even spent some time talking about Lucky, and I appreciated his interest and show of respect for our relationship.
During our conversation, Buddy mentioned a friend’s party later that night and invited me to come along. I told him that, due to a long day, Lucky and I had planned on spending a quiet night together after I got home from dinner, so he invited Lucky along as well. I called Lucky and he said it sounded like fun, so Buddy and I grabbed a few more drinks at a nearby bar while we waited for Lucky to get cleaned up and have dinner. The three of us had a great time dancing together at the party. I noticed how everyone Buddy encountered was genuinely pleased to see him, as he was greeted with hugs and kisses everywhere he went. Lucky and I quickly grew tired, so we didn’t stay as long as we’d hoped, but I did manage to steal a few kisses from my new friend before we left. I looked forward to seeing him again and spending some quality “alone time” with him in the near future.
Montana – Dinner and Drinks
In my description of the first week of this year’s Month of Yes, I said that virtually all responses from the women who responded to my ad were a relief compared to those of the men, and Montana’s definitely fits that description. She mentioned things in my ad, told me how much she loved those same things, and then told me a little bit about herself in a natural, conversational way. I wasn’t sure from her picture whether I’d find her attractive, but based on the energy in her opening email and our mutual love for animals, I felt like we’d get along really well. We arranged to meet at a bar that had free pool on Sunday evening for drinks and a few games.
When I arrived, I saw the cutest little thing with short brown hair waiting for me by the window. We said hello, and I’m sure I must have had quite a grin on my face. Wouldn’t you if your date unexpectedly turned out to be a complete hottie? I grabbed a drink, and we chatted over a few games of pool. There were a few awkward pauses here and there, but in general I was really enjoying our time together.
After drinks, we walked up to a nearby restaurant and had dinner together. I wished I could spend more time with her after that, but I had to work the next morning, and I was feeling pretty tired. I walked her back to her car and there was this awkward, silly moment where it was obvious we wanted to kiss, but both of us were stricken with a sudden case of shyness. She told me, very enthusiastically, that we should get together again soon, and we said goodbye.
(In my recap of week 3, you’ll hear about our second date when we weren’t quite so shy about the kissing).
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With my first three dates out of the way, I was feeling pretty confident about my initial perceptions of people. I’d been pretty accurate about the personalities of all three dates, and two of them had turned out wonderfully. Even that first date, which had been a little boring, wasn’t all that bad. There are a lot worse things than going out with a boring nice guy. My only problem now was that I’d met two really great people who I wanted to see again soon, but I’d booked up my next week solid with other dates. I’d have to see if I could shift things around a bit. Otherwise, it would be a few weeks before I’d be able to take things further with either of them.
There’s still one thing about the second week that I’m a little bit unsure of, though – the issue of rejection. When two people go out and one of them isn’t interested in a second date, it’s not uncommon for them to just cut off contact with no explanation. As common as this is, it can be quite disappointing for the interested party to wait and wait for that second date to happen, only to slowly come to the realization that they’ve been rejected. I’ve been guilty of this in the past, but this time around I wanted to show my dates a little more respect and politely let them know that I wasn’t interested. After each unsuccessful date, and you’ll hear about a few more of them in my recap of week 3, I sent my date an email to let them know that I’d had a good time but wasn’t interested in seeing them again. The problem is that I haven’t been able to do this in person, even when I know very well that I won’t be calling for that second date. So what do I do when, at the end of the night, my date enthusiastically suggests that we “do this again sometime?” I politely agree, and try not to commit to anything concrete. I’m mostly doing this to save myself from an awkwardly honest moment, but I also justify it by saying that a rejection via email is probably a little easier to take than one in person. What do you think? If your date was sure she didn’t want to see you again, would you prefer that she tell you right then and there, or would it help save a little face to get a polite email the next day to let you know that she wasn’t interested? I’d like to hear your comments so I can decide how to handle this on future dates.
Filed under: Experiences, online dating | Tagged: month of yes
