The View From My Knees

Oral sex with Mac in his bed. he was trying out some new techniques that felt nice. All very subtle, though. Afterward, he asked if there was anything i wanted him to do. I said more pressure would be nice. Then I told him I wanted to try out some deep throating techniques. I tried that swallowing one I learned but couldn’t quite do it. I also couldn’t figure out the figure 8 one. “Guess I’m not ready for the advanced stuff,” I joked.

“You did pretty well.”

I just finished him off with my normal stuff and he came in my mouth.

Lucky, in our bed. We were waiting for the lasagne to cook. I gave him a blow job, then we went on to missionary. We tried some new condoms that were ribbed on the inside. They didn’t help.

I masturbated this morning.

Why am I telling you this small detail? Because this is a sex blog and I like to tell you about sex. But I haven’t been able to tell you much lately. Well, nothing current. My sex life has been nonexistent so I’ve been diving into my sexual past to keep you entertained. A combination of troubled relationships, creative obligations, and a deep depression have completely wiped my sex drive away. I hate it. I really, really hate it. I wish I could go back to being the sexual person I was a couple of years ago. I would like to believe that someday I’ll get back there, once I’ve cleared up certain troubling issues and learned how to balance my performance schedule with my personal life. But most of the time I don’t see any indication that it will happen. I fear that I may have turned a corner and become a new person – one that I don’t like very much – and there’s no going back to that carefree slut I used to be.

But then I have a moment of hope. Like I did today.

I’m not sure what sparked it. I suppose I’ve been feeling a little bit better since I started counseling and ended one of my more stressful relationships. And last night I spent some time with some friends and had a really nice time. It was all very innocent. We watched TV shows, played games, and drank wine. There was a hint of sexual tension, but nothing happened. Still, it had been a while since I’d spent time with friends like that. I spend most of my nights at meetings, performances, or getting things done at home. The little bit of socializing I’ve done has been at big parties where I’ve stopped in for an hour or so and said brief hellos to people who used to be dear friends before giving in to my social anxiety and taking off. I liked this more intimate social interaction. I guess I needed it.

As I lay in bed reflecting on how good I felt, I noticed a stirring in my body that I hadn’t felt in a long time. I slid my hand down into my panties and slowly rubbed my clit. An action that lately has felt uncomfortable and unsatisfying was suddenly pleasurable again. I moved my fingers down even further and felt a wetness I hadn’t felt in a long time. I lay there slowly rubbing myself as I decided what to do. Should I take it slowly and continue using my hand? Should I grab a toy? Should I share this rare moment of desire with a friend? I decided that I couldn’t wait to call someone (and wasn’t sure who I’d call, anyway), but wanted more than just my hands could give me. I got up and got one of my favorite vibrators off of a shelf and laid back down. I turned it on a low setting and slowly rubbed it along my vulva. It had been so long since I’d felt this good. I had a feeling I might come soon, but I wanted to make this feeling last. I slowly inserted the toy into my pussy. Oh god, it felt so good. So much better than anything I’d felt in so long. As I slowly pumped the toy in and out of my pussy I gently rubbed my clit with my other hand. I knew I wouldn’t last long, even on the toy’s low setting. I stopped a few times to calm down, and then started again. And finally, I came. The entire session only lasted a few minutes, but it was the most satisfying orgasm I’d had in months.

Maybe there is hope for my sex drive.

Lucky, on an airbed in his old room at his parents’ house.
We rolled around together on the airbed for a while until Lucky got hard. Then we made love very quietly so no one would hear.

Lucky, our bed.
I sucked his cock for a little while before climbing on top of him. I teased his cock with my pussy for a while. “How can I tease you?” he asked. I didn’t tell him that this teased me, as well. I inserted the top of his cock once or twice, and then finally pressed it all the way inside of me.