The View From My Knees

Ask anyone in an open relationship to recommend a book on nonmonogamy and 9 times out of 10 you’ll get the same answer: The Ethical Slut. Since it’s publication in 1997, The Ethical Slut has been widely adopted as the poly bible. But now there’s a new challenger for that title. Bestselling author, sex educator, and feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino tackles the wide-ranging and often misunderstood world of open relationships in her 2008 book, Opening Up: A Guide to Creating And Sustaining Open Relationships. Unlike The Ethical Slut, Opening Up is not a personal memoir packed with advice from the author’s own experiences. Instead, Taormino held in-depth interviews with over 100 women and men, resulting in a wide range of anecdotes, advice, and opinions.

Section one deals with starts out with a brief history of nonmonogamy. It’s not exhaustive, certainly, but it is interesting. However, if you’re looking to jump right into the meat of the issue, you can probably skip this chapter. In the next few chapters, Taormino helps the reader determine whether an open relationship is the right choice by debunking common myths about nonmonogamy and providing several self-evaluation methods, including actual exercises to be done by you and your partner. She also delves into some of the reasons other people choose nonmonogamy, using stories and anecdotes from her interview subjects.

Perhaps the most interesting portion of the book is section 2 in which the different types of nonmonogamous relationships are explored, from swinging to polyamory to polyfidelity, and all the flavors in between. Each chapter explores the terms of the relationship type and the potential downfalls, and ends with a profile of an actual couple living in this type of relationship. I remember being fascinated with the vastly different ways in which people who are all lumped under the nonmonogamy umbrella choose to practice the ideal.

Section 3 delves into the mechanics of creating your open relationship and making it work. Taormino explores the challenges and problems that commonly arise in open relationships, including an entire chapter devoted to jealousy. She also examines coming out to friends and family, safer sex, legal issues, and raising children in a nonmonogamous household.

Taormino’s approach to the subject is informative, unbiased, and entertaining. This book is helpful to those thinking of entering into the mysterious world of nonmonogamy as well as those that have been doing it most of their life. I also think it should be required reading for those close to people in nonmonogamous relationships to help them understand the benefits and challenges their loved ones are facing so that they can more easily accept a lifestyle so different from their own. All in all, I think this is the best book on nonmonogamy out there and leaves The Ethical Slut in the dust.

Did you read this book for the Naughty Book Club? I’d love to hear your overall opinions of the book, as well as some of your thoughts on individual stories in the comments below. And remember, one lucky commenter will be randomly chosen to receive a free copy of next month’s book just for participating in this month’s Naughty Book Club discussion!