The View From My Knees

Last night, for the first time in a while, I let out a little bit of my predator side.

Back when life was a little bit simpler, I was in predator mode fairly often. It wasn’t malicious. I didn’t snatch up lovers and spit them out when I was done. I simply knew what I wanted and went after it. While occasionally this resulted in one nights stands, it often led to passionate affairs that lasted for weeks, months, and occasionally even years. But in the past couple of years my love life has become so complicated that chasing after a new lover felt like more trouble than it was worth. And as my sex life died down, my confidence also waned so that even when I did see something I wanted, I lacked the boldness to go after it. Even recently, there’s been a boy that i’m extremely attracted to – and who I believe is attracted to me – but I’ve been unable to gain the courage to try to push it any further than an occasional flirtatious drink date.

But last night I felt some of that old predator lurking inside of me.

I was helping out at a fundraiser show a friend was producing and began to hit it off with a very cute, very nerdy boy who was volunteering with me. Nerdy guys are one of my weak spots. They rival the punk rock rebel for the top place in my fantasies (of men, anyway). I thought I felt a mutual attraction, so I began to test the waters with the occasional casual flirtation. He responded well. As the night went on, my flirtation became bolder and bolder. When our work was complete, we cozied up together at a table and watched the rest of the show. I used all of the appropriate body language -legs crossed toward him, occasional glances his way to acknowledge our mutual enjoyment of the show – and watched his. I placed my arm lightly against his on the table and felt him press back.

There was no denying that we were interested in each other. My predator instinct told me to get his number and steal a kiss – maybe more – in a back room, but I wasn’t quite there. When he left we hugged goodbye and he said he’d be in touch (we have a lot of mutual friends through which to contact each other). I do believe that we’ll see each other again, but I was disappointed in myself for not being more proactive about it. I couldn’t beat myself up too much, though. My game is a little off, but it felt good to feel the urge to play again.

And speaking of urges…when I got home that evening I laid in bed and fantasized about my new crush for quite some time. I imagined our next meeting…drinks at a nearby bar…making out frantically in the parking lot…rushing to his place…peeling off each other’s clothes…exploring each other’s bodies with our hands and mouths…climbing on top of him…pulling him on top of me…

It was a delightfully orgasmic way to end my evening.