The View From My Knees

Hi Misty,
I feel kind of awkward when I give my man a hand job. How can I improve my technique?

First of all, good for you for seeing hand jobs as more than just something teenagers do in the backs of steamed-up cars. The hand job is often overlooked, and it’s a damn shame. When done right, it can be a fantastic addition to foreplay, and it can even be the main event for a nice change.

The most important aspect of the hand job is lubrication. Unlike women(1), most men(2) don’t produce enough lubrication of their own to facilitate a good hand job, but a dry hand job isn’t pleasurable to give or receive. Before you start, squirt a bit of lube into your hands, and hold it in your palm for a moment to warm it up. If you don’t have any actual lube handy and you’re not planning on having intercourse, you can use some household items as lube. I’ve had good experience with baby oil in the past. Just remember that oils and creams not meant for sex can cause vaginal infections, so if you’re planning on moving on to more contact you’ll just want to stick to good old-fashioned spit.

In my opinion, when giving a good handjob you should start by teasing his inner thighs and gently cupping and massaging his balls rather than going straight for the cock. However, Lucky maintains that some initial cock contact can be good in one of two ways: 1) guys don’t always want to be teased – though there’s also a time and a place for that – so you might just want to start further in, or 2) it’s like a video game where they start you with all of your powers to give you an idea of where you’re going, but then they strip them all away and you have to work back up to the full deal. Whether your start there or do some teasing first, you should begin your work on his cock with nice slow strokes up and down the shaft with one hand, as if it’s a tongue licking straight up one side, over the head, and then down the other side. Watch out for the absolute tip of the penis; if you hit the opening to the urethra in the wrong way, well, that’s bad. Then gently grip the shaft at the bottom with one hand and use the other to do some very slow strokes up and down. You want to start slow to build it up, don’t skip straight to the fast pumping. I think that the important part of this is that it’s a progression of both coverage and friction; there’s room for variation in the details of teasing technique as long as you’re working from a minimum to some plateau in each of those aspects.

As you work his shaft and head try out some different techniques to give him a wide range of different sensations and solicit feedback from him. “Do you like that, baby?” “How does that feel on your big, hard cock?” A few techniques to try:

• Extend your fingers so that both of your hands are flat and put one on each side of his penis, then rub them up and down his cock.
• Position one or both hands lengthwise on his cock and do long slow strokes up and down. When you get to the base of his penis run over a little bit and stroke his balls on your way back up. When you get to the tip of his penis rub the heel of your hand(s) around the top.
• Instead of wrapping your entire hand around his cock, try just using your thumb and index finger.
• Alternate with short strokes at the base of his cock with short strokes around the head.
• Use both hands to twist in opposite directions as you move up and down his cock. BE SURE YOU HAVE PLENTY OF LUBE!
• Occasionally run you palm over the top of the head. But don’t do this a lot at once because it can overstimulate the very sensitive corona (think of this as the equivalent to a woman’s clit).

Ultimately, I think it’s important to remember that, regardless of which techniques you’re using, they are at their best in an experience that’s a fluid, integrated whole. Don’t spend too much time thinking about particular techniques as if they’re individual phases with precise steps. This is cooking, not baking.

Don’t get too focused on the cock
Whenever you’re using just one hand on his cock, use the other to explore other parts of his body. Gently tweak his nipples, cup his balls, and even grip his ass. Try gently pressing on the perineum, as this can be a pleasurable pressure point on many men. If he’s game for exploration, you could even gently run a well-lubed fingertip around the opening to his anus while you work his cock with your other hand. If he seems to really be enjoying the sensation, suggest that you take it a little further. “You like my finger around your ass, don’t you baby? You want me to slip it in, you naughty boy?”

Play with toys
Sex toys are not just for girls. You can introduce a simple bullet vibe for some extra sensations. Start by running it around his balls and inner thighs (beware of the vibrator knocking the balls around too much; you’ll want something with a tight vibration for that area), then move to the shaft and gently slide it up and down each side. Run it around the head a few times and then back down and around his balls. Some guys like the way the vibrations feel when held gently around the perineum or when used to tease his anus. Fukuoku’s vibe is great for this because it slips onto your finger and you don’t have to worry about holding on with a lubed-up hand. Masturbation sleeves can also be a fun addition to a hand job. Just slide a well-lubed sleeve around his hard cock and go to town.

The Finale
When you’re ready for the grand finale, pick a technique and stick with it. Too much changing around can interrupt his buildup and make it difficult for him to come. My tried-and-true method to get him off is to hold the base of his cock with one hand and wrap the other around his shaft. Then, twist your hand up and down his entire cock. Start off at a gentle pace, and then slowly increase your speed until you’re at a nice fast pace. Be careful not to grip too tightly! Many guys hate the death grip, and those that love it will usually tell you to grip his cock more tightly. Look him in the eyes (you should be doing this a lot throughout the act, anyway) and tell him him much you love his cock, how big it is, and how much you want him to come for you. He’s sure to blow his load in no time.

I hope these tips help you feel more confident about handling your man’s junk. I also suggest asking him to masturbate for you so you can watch how he handles his own penis. It’s hot AND informative! You can also get some ideas for various techniques at handjobadvice.com. And maybe some of my readers will share their tips and tricks in the comments below.